A GIRL NOT SAYING “NO” IS NOT A GIRL SAYING “YES”

“

teach your girl to say no, to spit no like fire, to never apologize for it. her spine: NO. her fists: NO. her teeth all NO together.

  but first and more importantly, teach your boy to see no, hear no, understand no before it’s spelled out for him. have him take “no” easily, not as an excuse to keep trying.

  have him feel “no” like a change in the air so that he can infer it without so much as a word. don’t settle for no as just as the dictionary definition, show him no in body language, in “i’d rather not,” in “yes, but i’m drunk.”

  teach him that “no” is not “convince me,” teach him to accept it gently, without violence, without feeling that he’s having something “denied” to him. “no” is not “take it from my fingers.” no is a shrug, is “i’m not sure,” no is a look, a scared smile, a terrified giggle. No is in the pocket of her clothes, no matter what they look like.

  have him assume “no,” not “yes, unless otherwise stated.” girls are not swings on the playground, he cannot be upset when they don’t “share” themselves with him. there is no sharing, she is not an object. of a girl he sees on the street who doesn’t give him her number or react well to what he calls her: teach him she is not taking from him what is due, she is not denying him, she has never and will never belong to him. she will be his only after explicit and repeated consent and only by that alone. 

do me a favor

teach him no.

”

// r.i.d (viainkskinned)

After The Jurassic

You might laugh, but I have a confession. I have never watched Jurassic Park movie.
And now I'm running a business with my boyfriend, selling a preloved books in instagram, and one of them is Jurassic Park. And since it was a hits back then, well, I thought it'd be worth the shot.
And after reading the novel, I was amazed by the concept brought by Ian Malcolm, (the character). The concept of the very foundation of human being.

A man was saying, that his creation could ruin the ecosystem, and he might destroy the world. Then Ian said, that it was so arrogant for someone to say that he could destroy, or even save the world.

The phrase Save The Earth might've been very popular in this decade. We all know that this place we live in is start to be less comfortable. Either the temperature or the surrounding. The concept of saving the earth is formed as planting trees, recycle, taking public transportation, etc. And the kind of action that can ruin the earth is like illegal logging, pollution, etc. But, what will actually be ruined by those actions? The world, or us?

Ian said that the earth, or the world, is very strong. Long long ago, even the oxygen was dangerous for the creature living on earth. But time flies. Ruination happened for times. New species came, the ones whose sustainable with the condition of the earth. Even after several ruination, the earth still survive. It still recover. Our existence here is just in a blink of an eye for the earth. If we gone tomorrow, the earth won't miss us. It will recover, It will save itself. Like it always did.

All the action we did affect us, as human race. As species who need more oxygen and less carbon dioxide. Then why we use the phrase of saving the earth instead of saving ourselves? Because it sounds selfish, to save yourself. And nobody want to be selfish. Even though selfishness is the very nature of human. Human prefer to do something to help something outside themselves because it sounds good, it makes us feel useful, it makes us feel like we have done something outstanding. While actually, all we did was saving ourselves. For our own good. So instead of calling it responsibility, we call it prosocial activity. That's how we are. Hypocrisy.

I guess being selfish already sound so bad, so why don't we stop being a liar. A hypocrites. Let's do all the good deeds to our environment for the sake of our own selves. For our own survival. For our own good, and stop naming that selfish action as an action to save the earth. The earth need no saving. But we do.

#THEGOODSMALLSHOUOUT

It's called human rights, so it suppose to mean it stands for every human exist in this world

The Feminist Side of Me

In the advanced society, people know the meaning of feminist. But believe me, people around me often referring feminist to feminine. Whenever I said that I'm quiet a feminist, they'd looked at me (well, I rarely dress up femininely) and said, which part of this -while referring to my outfit- is feminist? And so I have to explain what feminism as I understand it, as a vision that women should have the same OPPORTUNITIES as men have.

And when I said so, my friends would tell me about 'women's nature'. About the concept that it's not suitable with the common culture in my place where women are the one who work, or the concept that a women should find a man who can pay her bills and do the work, or the idea that there is no way 'a wife' has a better career than her husband (this issues often become the reason of most divorce in my place).Some of them will say that it's the nature of women to cook in the kitchen and take care of the babies. It's in the nature they said. Not only that. Women are forbidden to smoke or drinks. Women are ugly when they cut short their hair. Men shouldn't hit women because they are women. If something wrong with a child, the mother is the one to blame, saying that it was because of her incapability of raising child. Women who chase their career are ambitious and against their nature. And when a woman become a housewife that's because she's not educated enough to have a job. Women should have a good cooking skills. Women should wear feminine wardrobe like skirt and dress so they will look nice for men to look at. Women should not speak -or laugh in a loud sound. Women get easy on anything because they are women, And women shouldn't do several things because they are women. Realize it or not people, that is what happened in my society, or in yours too, perhaps.

If we look back in history, it makes me sad that women back then were far-far away from equality in every aspect of life, like education for example. In our country, R.A Kartini is the symbol of feminist movement since she had such a bright mind in such a dark times for women, when they can't even taste education and can't even choose anything based on their own desire. All just because they were women. But I'm not gonna talk about history, because I'm pretty sure you guys are fed up with that. Although, I have a question, do you guys can spot the same inequality in the concept of our culture, especially the stereotypes about women, today ? If you take the detail out of our everyday life, when people speak out their thought, or arguments, you will hear that there are so many double standard for women applied in our society. Oh yes, of course women today already have the liberty to speak up their mind, but in our society, how many women are brave and bold enough to push away the stigma and have a courage to ask for what she deserve instead of being the property of public?

Feminism has never been a movement where women ask for a higher place than men. Like I said before, and like what all feminist have said, all we ask for is an equality, where we get the same opportunities as men get theirs in every aspect of life, because we are all the same. We are human being. 

Women who chase their career are ambitious and against their nature. Some people said it's very ambitious to fight such a right. Well, when a group of man gather in a group and speak up about the injustice, people call it democracy, courage, a human right to speak up in public. But when women do that, it was called ambitiousness? If you read several feminist columns or articles, some of you may say that they are not being objectives and taking sides. Well, practically that's because you were reading it in your own side. If we keep on talking about sides, there will always be the word 'against'. And it's never wrong to my opinion, or your opinion, to be on the side that represent the thoughts that echo in your mind. 

 

It's not suitable with the common culture in my place where women are the one who work. The defence is that men has that one pride which told them to be the one who work for the family. When a man doing good at work, he got all the compliment, and when a woman doing good at work, the common sentence would be 'but look at her family, she can't even take care of her child, she can't cook' and so many rebuttal concerning the field that so called as woman's nature skill. The criticism about woman's leadership often associated with the fact that they are woman. For example, when a man leader is making a mistake, people will say he is lack of this... or that... but when a woman leader is making a mistake, the common sentence will be 'well, No wonder. she is a woman'. 

If something wrong with a child, the mother is the one to blame, saying that it was because of her incapability of raising child
About raising child, I think it is very wrong if the responsibility all goes to the woman. I mean kid is formed by women's ovum, and MEN's sperms! That's a half-half formula, so it should be the responsibility OF THEM BOTH. Father is as responsible as mother about what their kid would become. If it is wrong for a mother to not spending more time with her children, so does for the father. It is their kids after all, not her.

And when a woman become a housewife that's because she's not educated enough to have a job.
There is an interview from J.K. Rowling (that you can see here) when she talked about the female characters of Harry Potter. She was talking about Molly Weasley, I can't quote the exact words she said, but the point is, when a woman decide to dedicate her life to serve her family, we shouldn't see that as a form that is because she can't do anything else, IT's HER CHOICE. Molly Weasley was a good wizard, she killed Bellatrix the Death Eater. Just because she took care of her family all the time doesn't mean she can't do any good spell.

Women should have a good cooking skills
The common culture in our country seriously giving a double standard for woman. There are many men who ask 'can you cook' to a woman, for that question is trying to prove whether they are a 'true woman' or not. But how many women question to men whether they can solve electrical problem, or plumbing, or fixing the roof, or at least how to use a hammer properly? Well, I don't mind if a man demand me for having a good cooking skill, but I WILL demand that he can fix my electrical stuff when it's broken, fixing the tap without calling the plumber, putting on the gas, or any what so called as 'manly activity'. For the sake of peace, we can call it, tasks division. I'll do the laundry, but when the washing machine got broken, my man should know what to do, instead of easily buying a new one. That's a win-win solution.

 

Women are forbidden to smoke or drinks. 
There is a major stereotype exist in our culture, that there is very inappropriate for women to smoke or drink. Well I have one concept. I think, Smoke and drink are BAD FOR ALL PEOPLE, doesn't matter they are men or women.

Women are ugly when they cut short their hair
And if a women decided to be bald is ugly, why a long haired men is called superstar?

All the classic and ancient attitude rules in our culture are really unfair for women. If men can speak or laugh as loud as they want to, why can't women  do? Women deserve to have fun too. If it's impolite to make a loud noise in public places, then it should be applied either for MEN AND WOMEN

Men shouldn't hit women because they are women

NO MEN OR WOMEN CAN HIT ANYONE FOR ANY REASON. VIOLENCE IS A BIG NO, THAT'S COMMON SENSE, not feminism.

After all, the purpose of writing this is not for bashing men or stuff. But I want a lot of people see the common stereotypes applied in our surroundings that grow these whole time without any realization that it was a form of injustice. Gender should not prisoned anyone anywhere. It's everyone's right to have a choice. To have the same opportunities...